{{{{{Sigh}}}}}

No, my name is not actually John Wellington Welles.  He's a character in Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Sorcerer".

I thought "The Sorcerer" was sufficiently well-known.

Apparently not.

So for your edification and, where necessary, education: the patter song from The Sorcerer.

(And, yes, it would seem my memory of the chorus was not word perfect.)