Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fun with Insurance

Something called Smart Money was bundled in with this morning's paper. It's a magazine for people with pots of money to learn how (a) to hang on to the said pots of money and (b) to get even more pots of money.

Even though your servant does not, in fact, have even the requisite starter pot of money, I did page through it. It was, after all, free. And I came across a fascinating piece on all the remarkable things you can be insured for. (Or is it insured against?) I was reminded of that landlord in San Jose who insisted we have volcano insurance. We tried to talk him out of it. Who would sell us volcano insurance? Not a problem in the event. The risk management folks didn't bat an eye. "You want both ash and lava coverage?"

According to this article there is a policy available for whatever gives you the willies. You can be insured for/against "identity theft, gadget obsolescence, having twins, kidnapping and divorce." There is wedding insurance. And this: ". . . a contract with the Zombie Apocalypse Insurance Co. ($15 a year) provides peace of mind, not to mention postattack [sic] car repair, home reconstruction and, if necessary, relocation to a zombie-free locale." 15 bucks. Hmmm. One is almost tempted. . . which is probably why I don't have even the starter pot of money.

Saving the best for last, though, as did the author, you have to know about this one:

Bart Centre, the retired New Hampshire retail executive behind Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, says he's sold 263 pet-care contracts to Christians concerned about dogs and kitties left behind in the upcoming rapture. For $135, clients can count on pet-rescue services provided by one of 46 atheists who are guaranteed to remain on earth after the Second Coming. The only factor suppressing sales, he says, is the notion that the rapture will be followed by Armageddon. Who wants a policy for Fido, he says, "when the word's going to end 20 minutes later?"

Smart Money has a website here but this piece doesn't seem to be up. For those who don't believe a word of this post - which is probably everyone since the whole thing sounds preposterous to me - you can probably pick up a copy of the October number of Smart Money somewhere around town and take a look at page 95. I assure you in the immortal words of Dave Barry, "I don't make this stuff up."